


I felt a funeral, in my brain

by afoolwhodreams



Category: Dickinson (TV)
Genre: Best Friends, Brother-Sister Relationships, Canon Compliant, Cute, Emily and Austin having a complex sibling relationship, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Jealousy, Married Sue, Post-Season/Series 01, Sad and Happy, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Rivalry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:47:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27507097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afoolwhodreams/pseuds/afoolwhodreams
Summary: Set right after the end of season 1.Emily has decided to fully pursue fame through her poetry and is therefore dedicating all of her time to writing. There is absolutely nothing else going on. No major life events involving anyone around her. And no one coming back from a honeymoon to move in next door to her and bring all the feelings she has been burying down right back up again. Nope. Just a poet, poetin'.
Relationships: Austin Dickinson/Susan "Sue" Gilbert, Emily Dickinson/Austin Dickinson, Emily Dickinson/Susan "Sue" Gilbert
Comments: 30
Kudos: 102





	1. With a Flower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretending nothing has changed is a little difficult when Sue returns as Austin's wife to move next door to Emily.

Emily wrote.

That’s pretty much all she did since _the thing_ happened. _The thing_ that shall not be named. 

Well, more than one thing did happen. After Austin gave his best performance as an entitled dunghead and forbade her from attending _the thing_ , she saw Death and her other so called friends and then somehow, she didn’t even know how, she came out of it with a new purpose. Or an old one, a hidden one, finally ready to be spoken. 

And speak it she did. She spoke it right to her father’s face. Her father’s silent, resigned but ultimately agreeing face. She was so taken aback by his reaction – or lack thereof – she was barely thinking of _the thing_ anymore. It had completely slipped her mind. 

Emily wrote. She just wrote.

And surprisingly, her family let her. Mr Dickinson never mentioned their conversation or her writing again, but he was no longer actively trying to stop it, he now simply pretended to ignore it. Progress!

Her mother, on the other hand, was still high on happiness after her only son’s… _thing_ , and she even, begrudgingly, accepted that Maggie take over some of Emily’s duties in the house, so the poet could take dictation from God whenever she needed to.

Even when she did have to make an appearance in the kitchen to appease her parents and prove she was still alive, Emily found herself scribbling lines on the back of chocolate wrappers, or getting distracted by a passing cloud, forgetting what she was cooking and nearly burning the whole house down. 

She was doing just that, wistfully staring out the window, waiting for inspiration to strike her, when her mother came into the kitchen all hot and bothered.

“They’re back!”

Emily’s head snapped in her mother’s direction, her mind no longer lost in the clouds, but frozen in time and place.

“What?”

“Your brother and his wife, they’re back!”

“Sue”, she couldn’t help but correct her, in a whisper. 

Was it a correction, though? Was it Sue, coming back to Amherst with Austin, or was it his… _wife_. Emily shivered just thinking of the word. 

Still, she shook herself out of it, dropped the bowl of flour she was pretending to do something with on the kitchen counter along with her apron and ran to her room. She barely heard her mother reprimanding her for sprinting away and telling her to come back, immediately.

Emily opened her desk drawer and took out a small envelope. She looked at the many little pieces of paper where she had been pouring all the emotions of the past weeks in confused scribbles and ink stains. She rummaged through them until she found what she was looking for and shoved it into the envelope unceremoniously. 

She sprinted to the door only to take a step back before leaving her room. She glanced at herself in the mirror, stopping to fix her hair a bit. She looked into her own eyes with worry, then nodded to herself and finally made her way back downstairs.

“Oh, there you are, why must you always make everything so difficul-“

Her mother was cut off by the door opening, Henry walking in with a couple suitcases in his hands. He moved aside to let the newcomer in.

Sue was wearing a light coat, covering what appeared to be a fashionable blue and green dress, and a matching bonnet. She looked gorgeous, Emily thought. But there was something else. She seemed tranquil. Content, even.

Sue felt Emily’s eyes on her as soon as she walked through the door. She made an effort to greet Mrs Dickinson and Lavinia before finally meeting those piercing eyes, dreading what she would find there. Anger, desperation, sadness, disdain. She had feared looking into Emily’s eyes ever since she said ‘I do’. 

When she finally did look up, all the fears she had been holding onto for weeks were immediately forgotten. Emily’s eyes were the same as they had always been: warm, hazel and full of nothing but love.

“Hey”, Sue said, almost shily. 

“Hey, you” Emily smiled with only a hint of melancholy. Sue’s heart clenched. She pretended not to notice, returning the smile.

“Welcome back” the poet took her hand in hers, hiding the small envelope she had taken from her room in Sue’s grip.

“Where’s Austin?”, Mrs Dickinson asked, looking behind Sue to see if he was making his way inside.

“He wanted to say hello to his father and his new colleagues, first thing” Sue explained, as now that they were back Austin would have to start working with Mr Dickinson.

“But he’ll expect me to be there when he comes home. I should probably go now, I just wanted to come by and see you first”, her eyes darted to Emily.

“Of course, dear, so much housework to do, you shouldn’t even be here right now. I’ll call Henry back to help with your suitcases. Henry!”

Maggie rushed into the room. 

“Henry left, ma’am.”

“What do you mean he left?”

“It’s five, ma’am. He won’t be back before tomorrow.”

Mrs Dickinson looked distressed.

“It’s alright, I can carry these myself.”

Sue reached for the suitcases, hoping to appease her mother-in-law.

“NO!” Emily held out her arm dramatically, stopping her. Everyone looked at her as if she were insane. 

“You shouldn’t do that in your condition!”

Maggie and her mother looked at her questioningly. Sue shot her a look.

“…Aaaaas a newlywed. People should do that for you. _I_ shall do that for you. Here, let me.”

Emily grabbed the suitcases, putting them under her arms, trying to look casual. Not succeeding.

“Thank you.”

Sue couldn’t hide the amusement in her tone as Maggie opened the door for Emily, precariously carrying the bags.

“Be back in time for dinner!”

The door closed on Mrs Dickinson admonishment.

“So, this is it.”

Emily walked in after Sue, looking around in awe. The house her father had built was remarkably similar to theirs in structure, but the décor was somewhat different. Warmer, more modern. Not quite her own.

“This is it. Home sweet home.”

Sue said, somewhat wistfully. Emily left the bags near the entrance of the house and joined her in the living room.

“You like it?”

Sue looked around the room, studying it for a bit.

“I don’t know. I’ve never had anything that’s mine. I think I like that. That’s it’s mine.”

“And Austin’s”, Emily couldn’t help but add. Sue looked at her for a couple seconds before averting her eyes to the ground.

“Yes, well…”, she sighed, going to sit on the couch, “everything that’s mine will always also be Austin’s. And vice versa.”

She couldn’t stop her hand from going to her stomach. That had become a sort of reflex she was barely aware of anymore. But Emily noticed right away, her eyes fixating on the gesture. She sat next to her friend.

“How are you?”, she asked sweetly, motioning to her belly. Sue gave her a small smile.

“I’m good. I think. I don’t know, this is all so new.”

Emily nodded, trying to be supportive. Sue turned to her, studying her face.

“How are _you_? I missed you.”

She almost whispered that last part. Emily smiled.

“I’m good. I’m great actually. I’ve been writing, a lot. And I’m going to get published.”

Sue looked surprised but genuinely happy.

“I mean, nothing’s decided yet but I told my dad and he’s okay with it. Or, not _not_ okay with it I guess.”

“Emily, that’s amazing! I’m so proud of you.”

Sue put her hand on Emily’s, which was resting on the couch between them. Emily’s eyes immediately jumped to their joined hands as if the touch burned her, but she didn’t move away, instead staring at them.

“I missed you, too.”

She whispered. She started playing with Sue’s fingers in her own.

“What’s going to happen now?”

“Well I have to unpack, undress, make dinner…”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know. I don’t know.”

“Sue, I-“

“Honey, I’m home!”

Austin hung his top hat near the door and walked gleefully into the living room. That is, until he saw who was sitting there.

“Emily” he acknowledged his sister’s presence coldly.

“Austin. I was just leaving.”

Emily got up and started walking towards the door.

“Emily, you don’t have to-“

Austin shot his wife a look. Emily saw it, looked between the married couple and opened the door to their house.

“I do. Have a good night” she paused, “both of you”.

That night, while cleaning the kitchen after dinner, Sue glanced into the living room. Austin was reading by the fire, his back turned to her. She carefully took out the small envelope Emily put in her hands earlier that day and took out its content. She couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle, her eyes almost tearful.

“Darling, is there any liquor-“

As soon as she heard Austin approaching, Sue threw the paper envelope in the kitchen fire, but she couldn’t bring herself to destroy the rest. She quickly turned around, her hands behind her back.

“Hey” she smiled as casually as she could.

“Is everything okay? Are you crying?”

“What? No, I was just cleaning the kitchen, there are spices around, I’m fine.”

He reached for her but she stepped back, unable to bring her hands out from behind her. Austin’s demeanour changed, his face growing stern.

“It’s her, isn’t it? We haven’t even been back a day-“

“Austin, she didn’t do anything.”

“Didn’t she? What’s that behind your back then?”

Sue slowly brought her hands around. Austin’s face fell.

“It’s just a pressed flower. I found it amongst the firewood.”

Sue felt a pang of guilt lying to her husband like that. The same guilt she could now see forming in Austin’s face as he softly put his hand on her arm.

“Oh, Sue, I’m sorry. She just brings out the worst in me.”

He hugged her, hiding his face in her shoulder.

“I know. I know she does.”

She held up the flower Emily gave her over Austin’s shoulder, twirling it around. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from this poem by Emily Dickinson
> 
> I hide myself within my flower,  
> That wearing on your breast,  
> You, unsuspecting, wear me too --  
> And angels know the rest.  
> I hide myself within my flower,  
> That, fading from your vase,  
> You, unsuspecting, feel for me  
> Almost a loneliness.


	2. Almost a loneliness.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sue and Emily try to settle in and find their new normal, but their happy bubble is quickly burst by a pin named Austin.

“Good day, wife” Austin grinned, kissing Sue goodbye on their doorstep.

“Good day, husband”, she smiled back, watching him leave for a few seconds before closing the door. She had only just turned around and started walking towards the kitchen when she heard someone knocking.

She rolled her eyes at Austin’s cheesiness, coming back to say another goodbye.

“Miss me already?”

She asked, opening the door.

“Every minute of every day” Emily answered too honestly, as always.

Sue regarded her suspiciously, albeit with a smile.

“Were you waiting for Austin to leave?”

“…Maybe.”

Sue chuckled. Emily held up a basket.

“Picnic?”

It was mid-September and the orchard looked more beautiful than ever. The green grass was almost completely covered by red, orange, and yellow leaves.

Sue sat against the tree, with Emily’s head on her lap, as the poet read her her latest creations.

“You like it?”

Emily asked as she finished reading her poem.

“Of course I do. I love everything you write. It’s just…”

Sue trailed off, unable to finish her thought. Emily sat up, leaning against the tree next to her.

“Just what?”

“These new poems… they’re all so beautiful, but they’re also so sad. I hate to think that that’s because of me.”

“They’re not…”

Emily tried to rebut, but Sue cut her off with a look.

“Okay, fine, yes, there _may_ be some distant inspiration based on certain recent events involving certain people and certain brothers.”

She conceded, Sue regarding her knowingly.

“But it’s good that they’re sad, you see. Because the sadness is now on the page. It holds no more power over me.”

Emily smiled at Sue, almost convincingly. Sue knew she was lying and only doing so to protect her feelings. She moved in closer and kissed Emily softly. The poet just smiled and went back to reading.

Sue walked into her house, taking off her coat and bonnet and hanging them in the hallway. She stepped into the living room and almost screamed when she saw somebody sitting there, waiting for her.

“Oh, you’re home. You scared me.”

She said catching her breath with a small smile when she recognised Austin. He did not seem to react.

“You remember when we announced our engagement? Well, I announced it.”

Austin said, twirling the scotch around in the glass he was holding.

“Jane Humphrey wanted to dance with me, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to dance with anyone but you.”

He finally looked at his wife. His eyes were dark, the alcohol slurring his words and slowing his movements.

“But you didn’t mind. You didn’t care, actually. At all. You just left. You left me, in my own house, in front of our guests, to go find Emily.”

Sue averted her gaze, unable to hold Austin’s accusing eyes.

“And you know what Jane said? She said she would be afraid to marry someone who’s…”

He stopped, sighing, his eyes fixated on a random spot in front of him.

“Who’s…”

He stopped again. Sue looked at him nervously.

“Who’s what?”

She asked, hesitantly. He looked up at her.

“…who’s in love with my sister.”

“Austin, I’m-“

“And you know what’s funny?”

He stood up, ignoring Sue’s interruption.

“I didn’t believe her. Even after I came up and found that poem and then saw you two _kissing_ in Lavinia’s room, I still didn’t believe it. What an idiot!”

“You’re not-“

“You know I think deep down I did believe it. I always knew it. I just never thought… and then you came back for me and I thought ‘well, she made her decision’. She loves _me_.”

He looked at his wife, her gaze fixed to the floor, tears falling down her cheeks.

“I saw you today. In the orchard.”

Sue’s eyes darted to Austin, who was now standing in front of her.

“You kissed her. In gratitude, I guess, uh? For the flower? Yeah, I’m not a _complete_ idiot.”

Sue did not know what to say. She just stood there, crying silently.

“Do you love her?”

“She’s my best friend.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“What do you want me to say, Austin?”

“That you don’t! That you love _me_ , your freakin’ husband! That doesn’t seem like such a peculiar request!”

“I do. I do love you.”

“And her?”

Sue opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out, while her tears kept falling.

“…Right.”

He said bitterly, walking past her and putting his coat on.

“Where are you going?”

Austin chuckled bitterly.

“I don’t know. I can’t very well go back to my house- my parents’ house, that is. Couldn’t really explain… this. I just need to leave. I need to not be here, with you, right now.”

He walked to the door, opening it, but he turned around before leaving.

“Don’t wait up.”

The door slammed behind him. Sue fell to her knees in tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the sad.


	3. By homely Anguish strung.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reality bites.

A slant of light danced on Sue’s closed eyelids, forcing her to open them with a grunt. She stretched a little, causing her blanket to fall off her.

She had fallen asleep on her living room couch, waiting for Austin, although he told her not to.

And just like that, her morning blissfulness was gone, replaced by the weight of last night’s fight.

“Austin?”

She got up and looked around the house, but there was no sign of him. Sighing, Sue decided to get on with the day’s housework. She mechanically tidied up and cleaned the house, made her own breakfast and started preparing for the night’s dinner, aired the bedroom and put the laundry out to dry, all the while replaying Austin’s words in her head.

She felt so incredibly guilty. Towards him, towards Emily, towards her unborn child, even. Another innocent human for her to hurt, that was just what this mess needed.

When she finally ran out of things to clean or wipe and sat down on the couch again, she knew what she had to do. She had always known. She just didn’t want to.

And just like that, fate’s twisted irony knocked on her door. She knew who she would find on the other side and for the first time in her life, she didn’t want to see her.

“Emily.”

Sue greeted, staring at her friend’s beaming face, unconsciously committing it to memory, knowing she was about to cast a dark shadow over it.

“Dear Sue! How are you this beautiful morning?”

Sue’s heart was heavy, her eyes full of worry. Emily’s demeanour changed from gleeful to immediately worried.

“Are you alright?”

She walked into the house, Sue letting her in and closing the door behind her.

“No, I’m not.”

“What happened?”

“You.”

Emily looked like she had just been stabbed. Sue tried to choose her words more carefully.

“Not just you… us. Austin…”

“Did he hurt you?”

“What? No, of course not. I… hurt him.”

“I don’t understand.”

“ _We_ hurt him, Emily. Can’t you see? It can’t be like it was before. It’s not fair.”

“Fair? You think me watching you marry my brother was fair? Well, _not_ watching since he forbade me to, like he’s my jailor or something.”

“He did, didn’t he?”

“He didn’t even tell you?”

Sue shook her head, averting her gaze.

“I assumed something had happened. He was jumpy and I knew you…”, she looked into Emily’s big, sad eyes, knowing what she was about to say was true.

“I knew you’d be there for me, even if it broke your heart into a million pieces.”

Emily didn’t reply, quickly wiping a tear away from her eye.

“But for better or worse, I did marry him. I swore to be true and loyal to him, to love him.”

“You said you’d love me more. You promised.”

Emily sounded almost whiny, although she didn’t mean to.

“I know I did. And I meant it. I mean it still.”

“Then what changed?”

“Everything changed! I made a promise to you, yes, but I swore an oath. In front of the town, in front of your family, in front of God!”

Tears were streaming down both their faces now, neither trying to stop them or even catch them anymore. Sue hesitantly reached out for Emily’s cheek, brushing a tear off it.

“We knew this couldn’t go on. We’re not kids anymore.”

Emily looked up at her, Sue letting her arm drop back to her side.

“So what are we then?”

“Sisters. Sisters who don’t sleep in the same bed or dance in orchards or give each other flowers. Think of me as another Lavinia.”

“Are you going to get a cat? …Or three?”

Sue couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Would that help?”

“Not really, no.”

“I’m sorry, Emily.”

“Can I come visit you still?”

Sue bit her lip, forcing herself to say the opposite of what she wanted to.

“I think it’s better if you don’t for a while.”

Emily stared at her for a few moments before nodding.

“Okay. Whatever you wish.”

She turned around to leave but a hand stopped her.

“Emily, I…”

Sue’s eyes glimmered, her mouth open but no words were coming out.

Emily forced herself to smile.

“Me too.”

And with that, she left.


	4. It was a quiet way —

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily broods, Sue throws parties, Austin isn't as pleased as he thought he would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter was quite short so here's another. Enjoy :)

Emily wrote.

Or, she tried to. What she really did was sit at her desk with a blank page staring at her while she in turn stared out the window, at the house right next door.

 _Right next door and a whole world away_.

Her own words echoed in her head, taunting her. She wished she had been wrong, but she knew things would change. She knew when Austin told her he would marry Sue, and when she told her they would have a child together.

Still, hearing Sue say it stung like a bee.

Especially when it meant she had to watch people come in and out of the house, Sue sending Austin off in the morning and welcoming him back in in the afternoon. Watch their lives go by without being a part of them anymore.

Was she being dramatic? Maybe.

It would have been different if she still had Ben. Someone to talk to who would understand her, distract her, listen to her. But as it was, the only person who could do that had decided not to anymore.

And what hurt the most was, Sue seemed fine. She spent her days taking care of the house and hosting guests, having bigger and bigger dinners, dressing up and becoming the perfect hostess.

So much so in fact, that it was only a couple of weeks before the Dickinson family got an invitation for an official party at the… other Dickinson family’s.

There was nothing Emily wanted and dreaded more than to go to this party. She would finally get to see Sue again, not through a glass window. But what would happen when she did?

Turned out, she needn’t worry too much. The party was a raving success. Much tamer than the one they had held when her parents were out of town, as the guest list included her parents and their friends and colleagues. It was a tame, adult but ultimately successful party.

Emily watched in awe as Sue effortlessly chatted up every guest while simultaneously making sure food and music were always present.

And then when the dancing started, and Austin came to sweep his wife away, Emily decided she had no reason to stay there and watch with no opium or Bumblebee to distract her, so she grabbed a glass of wine and headed for the door.

She stood on the porch, looking at the stars. Wondering if they were looking down at her. Did they pity her? Or were they just amused? Perhaps they just didn’t care at all.

“Are you alright?”

Emily jumped, startled by the soft hand on her shoulder, but immediately relaxed when she saw a pair of worried eyes staring back at her.

“I was just looking at the stars. Wondering what they’re thinking.”

Sue smiled in that way she did when Emily said the most unexpected thing she could say. She loved it.

“Did you figure it out?”

Emily shook her head, still looking up.

“They’re probably laughing at how much effort we put into a few fleeting moments of manufactured happiness.”

Emily saw Sue looking down from the corner of her eye. She turned around to face her.

“You’re good at it, though. This party was a total success. You’re a super hostess.”

Sue smiled a little.

“Thanks, Em. How are you?”

Emily was about to answer when she saw Austin through the window. He was looking for Sue.

“You should go.”

Sue was about to protest.

“That’s okay. I’ll see you around.”

Sue looked unconvinced, but she made her way back inside. The poet turned around and started walking away, towards her own home.

“Sue? Oh, there you are, dear. Would you grace us all with a song?”

“Austin, I…” The guests were all staring, expectantly. “Of course.”

As Sue sat down at the piano, turning her back to Austin, he made his way outside. He saw Emily walking towards their family home.

Emily rushed towards her house, her eyes itching with tears threatening to escape. She was so distracted by her own thoughts and quick pace, she was almost run over by a carriage passing by.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going-“

“That was pretty clear, my darling.”

Death smirked at her, opening the door to his carriage.

“I… don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m not really in the mood right now.”

“Just for a minute.”

Emily lifted her red dress in order to climb into the carriage. She sat opposite Death, staring out the window vacantly.

“Damn girl, I’ve seen dead people looking livelier than you.”

“I have no reason to live.”

“Now, that’s just not true. What about your poetry?”

“I’ve been uninspired.”

“You’ve been moping, is what you’ve been.”

“Hey!”

“You can’t fool me, Emily Dickinson. I see you. I _know_ you.”

“Well, I have a right to mope! Austin took Sue, you took Ben, what am I left with?”

“You have yourself, my dearest. The greatest poet who ever lived, was it? It seems to me like you have some writing to do if you want to live up to that fine eulogy.”

Austin rushed towards his old house, looking for Emily. He quickly got up to her room, slammed the door opened, expecting to find her writing there, but the room was empty.

He made his way downstairs, but the living room was vacant as well.

That’s when he noticed the conservatory door was ajar. He marched towards it, intent of rushing in but stopped at the last second when he heard light sniffles coming from inside it.

Emily was tending to her plants, or at least pretending to, mostly just watering them with her tears, her crying so violent she was shaking on her feet.

Austin debated whether he should go in, but he felt like he’d be the last person to comfort his sister right now.

He slowly and quietly made his way out and back to his own house, where the last guests were leaving, Sue wishing them a good night.

When everyone left and Sue remained alone, cleaning up the living room, that’s when Austin saw it. Standing on the porch, looking through the window, he saw her apparent happiness and cheerful demeanour fade as soon as people weren’t around anymore. She looked tired and preoccupied, moving mechanically to tidy everything up, her mind a thousand miles away.

He made his way to the door and made sure to make some noise when closing it. Sue looked up at him from where she was standing, couch cushion in hand. She smiled brightly, every trace of worry gone.

“Austin! Were you outside?”

“Yes, I… I just needed some air.”

Sue nodded in understanding.

“I’ll just clean up a bit and I’ll be right up.”

Austin regarded her strangely, studying her for a moment.

“Are you okay?”

Sue asked.

“Yeah… are you?”

“…Yes.”

“Okay.”

Sue was puzzled, almost amused by Austin’s odd behaviour.

“Okay. Goodnight then.”

“…Night.”

Austin started climbing the stairs, pensive.


	5. To know her is an Intemperance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apples and truces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when are we getting that season 2 trailer though

Emily woke up in a bad mood, as she often did nowadays. She threw on a shawl and made her way to the kitchen to get some breakfast.

She barely had time to step through the door before a basket full of apples was unceremoniously dropped into her arms.

“You need to bring these to Sue and Austin’s house, immediately.”

“What, they have an apple emergency that can’t wait for me to have breakfast?”

“Yes, they do.”

“Ugh, fine. But I’m eating one of these on the way.”

Lavinia shot her a funny look but didn’t say anything else. Emily quickly went back to her room to get changed and then set out to deliver the apples to her brother’s house.

She knocked vehemently on the door. Sue opened it, already dressed but with her hair down and a spatula in hand.

“Urgent apple delivery.”

“Uhm… thanks?”

“You didn’t ask for these?”

“Not really, no, but do you want to come in? I’m cooking and it’ll all burn if I don’t go back now.”

“Oh yes please, I’m starving!”

Emily followed Sue to the kitchen, dropping the basket on the table.

“So what’s up with those?”

Sue motioned to the apples whilst going back to flipping pancakes.

“I don’t know. Lavinia insisted I bring them. Made it sound like it was life or death.”

Sue looked at the fruits suspiciously.

“Do you think they’re poisoned?”

Emily thought it over for a bit.

“I think it’s likelier she’d give herself a poisoned apple, hoping to lure a prince in that way.”

They both laughed, Emily making her way towards Sue.

“You need some help?”

“Yeah, just mix that together please.”

They proceeded to quietly cook like they did so often before, exchanging small anecdotes and laughing together. Both thinking they couldn’t remember the last time they felt so carefree.

When they finished cooking, Emily helped Sue set the table.

“Austin will be home for lunch soon.”

She said, almost apologetically. Emily nodded.

“I’ll be on my way then.”

“I’m really glad you came to bring me poisoned apples.”

Emily chuckled.

“Anytime. I hear they’re doing a sale on magic beans tomorrow, so I might be back.”

“Actually… I’d like that.”

Emily’s playful expression was replaced by one of careful hope.

“I thought you said we shouldn’t.”

“Shouldn’t what? Spend time together? Be friends? That’s just ridiculous.”

“You know I agree, but Austin…”

As if on cue, the door opened, Emily’s brother coming in. Sue rushed to welcome him with a quick kiss on the cheek, hoping to help his mood before he saw his sister.

“Hello, wife. Hello, Emily!”

Both girls stood there, dumbstruck at Austin’s unusually happy greeting.

“Emily came by to drop off some apples, she was just leaving.”

“Nonsense, it’s lunch time. Why don’t you eat with us? Is there enough food, dear?”

“I uhm… yes, of course.”

Sue and Emily exchanged looks, neither of them knowing what was happening, both suspecting a trap, a prank or some sort of mental breakdown on Austin’s part.

But nothing happened. The three of them had a nice meal, Austin enquired about Emily’s writing, she in turn politely asked about his work, Sue looked between them riddled with anxiety, making her trips to the kitchen as few and as quick as possible, not wanting to leave the siblings alone for a second too long.

And then it was over.

“Well, thanks for the apples.”

Sue said awkwardly on her doorstep as Emily put her coat on.

“You’re welcome.”

The poet turned to leave but Austin stopped her.

“Wait, I’ll walk you.”

The girls shared a look, and if looks could speak this one would say ‘oh-oh’.

Sue bid them goodbye, praying both Dickinson siblings would get to their family house alive as she closed the door behind her.

Emily and Austin walked next to each other in awkward silence. They hadn’t been alone since he yelled at her in her conservatory, forbidding her to attend his wedding.

“I really was just dropping off some apples. Lavinia asked me to. She insisted.”

“I know. I told her to.”

Emily stopped to look at her brother.

“You did? Why?”

Austin gritted his teeth together, fidgeting nervously.

“I… may have been a little hard on you recently.”

Emily raised her eyebrows but bit her tongue. She wanted to see where this was going.

“Uninviting you to the wedding was… a rash decision. I see that now.”

“Are you… apologising to me?”

“You sneaked out with my bride-to-be right before our wedding, ruined her dress and reduced her to tears!”

“Guess not.”

“And then we’re home not two minutes and you’re already back at it, going off together and…”

His anger made way for something different, something vulnerable.

“…It’s hard.”

“What’s hard?”

“Seeing how she is with you. She is never that way with me. Never quite so… free.”

“Oh.”

Emily did not know what to say. She had always considered Austin as the one who got everything and anything he wanted. It never occurred to her he might feel less than.

“But that’s different, we’re friends.”

“Right.”

“Austin…”

“Emily, I don’t know what you are, but-“

“We’re friends. And we’re sisters, now. And that means a lot to me. I would never do anything to jeopardise that.”

Emily looked right into his eyes as she said this. She hoped he would see that she meant it.

He sighed. They started walking again.

“Why did you have me bring you apples?”

“Because… I saw how unhappy you both were. And I knew it was my fault. As much as I don’t like it – and I _do not_ like it – I see now that you need each other to be happy. I want Sue to be happy. And… I want you to be happy, too.”

The poet gave him a playful punch on the arm and a small smile.

“Thanks, bro.”

Austin briefly returned the smile but turned serious again.

“But Emily, she’s my wife. So no monkey business, no sappy poems, no sexy poems, actually, no poems would be best where Sue is involved.”

They came to a stop in front of their family house. Emily turned to Austin, reaching out her hand. He shook it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from this poem:
> 
> To see her is a picture-  
> To hear her is a tune-  
> To know her an Intemperance  
> As innocent as June-  
> To know her not-Affliction-  
> To own her for a Friend  
> A warmth as near as if the the Sun  
> Were shining in your Hand


	6. Hope is the thing with feathers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The orchard's making a comeback.

“Have a good day.”

Sue quickly pecked Austin on the lips. He gave her a smile and put his top hat on whilst opening their front door. Emily was standing there with a raised hand, ready to knock.

“Hello brother.”

She smiled cautiously.

“Hey, Emily. Bye, darling. Be good.”

He gave Emily one last warning look before making his way into town for work.

Emily held up a small bag.

“I brought beans.”

Both girls burst out laughing.

“Okay but seriously what did you do?”

Sue asked Emily as they gardened together behind the house.

“Nothing, I swear! One day he was staring at me with murder in his eyes and the next he was having me bring you apples and then walking me home.”

“The apples were his idea?”

Emily shrugged.

“He does like apple pie.”

“I still don’t understand, though. You should have seen him, Em. He was so angry and sad… I’ve never seen him like that. I don’t know what made him change his mind.”

Emily looked at Sue kindly but knowingly.

“You really don’t know?”

Her friend just shook her head and looked at her questioningly.

“The only thing that could. You did. You changed his mind.”

“But I didn’t do anything. I didn’t even say anything I just… I cried.”

She looked at Emily. The poet’s heart swelled for a moment, knowing Sue had cried for her, but it broke a little for the same reason.

“That’ll do it.”

Sue didn’t seem completely convinced but Emily continued.

“Besides, who cares _why_ he changed his mind, it only matters that he did. We can see each other now, spend the day together, do whatever we like.”

Emily slowly made her way towards Sue as she was speaking. She smirked, a glint in her eye as she stared into Emily’s very close ones.

“Whatever we like, uh? What did you have in mind?”

Emily grinned, getting even closer to Sue. She raised a hand to her face and… bopped her in the nose with a finger full of dirt, getting it all over Sue’s face.

“Race you!”

The poet ran away laughing, Sue running after her in fake anger, giggling all the way.

They found themselves at the orchard, haphazardly picking up and throwing leaves at each other as they slowed down.

They ended up falling onto a patch of leaves right under Emily’s tree, the poet pulling Sue right down with her, Sue ending up on top of her. They kissed slowly, tenderly, as if time stood still just for them.

“Funny how we always end up here.”

Sue looked around, then lied down with her head on Emily’s chest.

“This used to be my safe space. Ever since I was a kid when I wanted to run away from my parents or my siblings or, most often, my parents _and_ my siblings, I’d come here.

It’s weird because they knew where I was but it’s like they also knew this was just my place. My sanctuary.”

Sue looked up at Emily, smiling at the poet’s words.

“…I can leave.”

She started getting up, but Emily gently pulled her right back down, laughing.

“No, I want you here. You’re the only person I ever want to share this with.”

Sue smiled, getting back to her previous position. The two just laid there, content, watching the leaves fall from the trees around them, listening to the birds signing and their synchronized breathing.

And in that moment, they both knew.

They would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this little story. Here's to getting that season 2 trailer soon!

**Author's Note:**

> comments make me happy ❤


End file.
